| _xgirlfriend |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|02:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ears.. bleeding.. | ] |
thursday_star: can you please delete my name from all your accounts (myspace, lj, yahoo, msn, aim)
thursday_star: thank you
Christ: that's rather random. I suppose I could... I'll think about it.
this is that annoying bitchy girl who's always bugging me on LJ. she was nice for a while, then she turned. Go spam her if you love me~ Proper update later on tonight~ |
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| a romance with an unnamed beauty~ |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|09:53 pm] |
it was about 2 AM, and it had been raining heavily for the past few days, it was dark and gloomy durring the day, at night it was simply divine. some channel on TV was having a horror movie marathon, murder by death had just ended, and it was very dark inside. I had the lights off, and was standing in the kitchen with just a small 40 watt bulb lighting my cooking when I heard a faint knock at the door. a bit frightened by the movie, and by the rain, and thrown off even more by the time of night, I wondered to myself who would be calling at this time of night. I walked up to the door with all the brass of an amish man who's just been hit turning the other cheek, and then suddenly the hesitation strikes. what if it really is an axe murderer? I stood there for a moment, hesitant, than I did what I always do when unsure, I dive in. I reached out, I grabbed the deadbolt, flung it to the side, and twisted the handle...
before my eyes I saw, dressed in all white, but horribly muddied and drenched from the rain someone I knew well, but hadn't seen in many days. she was beautiful, she had long dark brown hair half way down her back, she was curvy, she had perfect breasts, and was a comfy size 12 or 14, easily enough to fill my arms when I'd give her a hug, as I would learn later. her deep brown eyes stared back at me and before she could even open her mouth to speak I ushered her inside, gently. I took her to my room. and let her sit on my bed while I rustled through my closet. a few moments later, I led her to the bathroom, handing her a large towel, a very large black shirt, and a pair of shorts with a draw string. the first words spoken between us were "take a shower and warm up hun, I'll make you something to eat" the second words were "I don't want to be alone" and though filled with sorrow, her voice was as a choir of angels from heaven speaking to my soul.
She began to unbutton her shirt, it was white, and very thin, it clung to her like saran wrap. as she reached the third button, she reached up to her shoulders and pushed the top down and off, it fell to the ground around her ankles leaving her in only a pair of capris made of the same material. I started to look away, and she blushed a bit as I did and laughed and said "don't worry, I don't mind you seing me for now" and she pulled the string on her capris and shimmied them down to the ground. as she bent over, I saw a bleeding wound on her back, a long, but shallow gash, more like a scratch or a cut than anything, but fresh, still bleeding. as she stood again, I noticed for the first time several bruises on her face and chest. she looked up at me, a look of puzzlement in her eye, then she realized what I was looking at, she spoke "don't worry, I'm fine, it's over now, and I don't want to talk about it".
and with that, she turned and stepped into the shower, pulling the door shut behind her. I stood there for a few moments wondering what had happend, but decided not to inquire further as it was obviously a painful experience, on more ways than one. as I sat down on the toilet lid to wait for her to finish, the door opened, and she asked me how to turn the shower on. a few moments later, I had shown her how to operate the faucet, an older one not seen much anymore, and was turning away, as she grabbed my hair and pulled me back into the warm spray of water drenching my upper body, shirt and all.
As I floundered around in the tub drenching myself more as I gained my footing fuly clothed in the shower in front of her, she stood there laughing at me, a look of peaceful content, and child-like joy on her face. I glared at her looking like a drown rat, but only for a moment, a smile crossed my face as she reached up to push my hair out of my face, and I almost laughed as she started to pull my shirt up and off of me. I took over, pulling it the rest of the way off and flinging it aside, then unbuttoning my pants and letting them fall to the bottom of the tub, making a mental note to buy new chapstick next time I'm out. she smiles at me, and flings her arms around me, and pushes me back against the cold wall, she rests her head against my chest and closes her eyes as we stand there in the warm water for nearly an hour just holding each other until the water finally starts to get cold.
back in the dim glow of the 40 watt bulb that illuminates my kitchen and dining room, she and I spoke softly of good times remembered as I finished making her linguini with clam sauce and garlic toast. I drained the pasta and set a plate of it on the table before her, ladeling some hastily made sauce over it, and placing three slices of the toast on the side of her plate, I plunk down a green bottle of parmasean cheese, not being able to afford the hand shredded kind, and wander over to the stove, returning a few minutes later with my own plate full, twice as full as hers with 4 slices of toast. having not eaten all day I was hungry. I pour slightly more than a healthy topping of cheese on my pasta, and watch eagerly as she delicately scoops some of the pasta onto one of her toasts, and lifts the toast to her mouth, taking a small bite. as she smiles, enjoying the meager quizine I had prepared just for her (hastily hiding the half-opened can of pizzaroli behind a case of ramen before I began of course), I dive into my plate, making quick work of it, and leaning back in my chair to watch her finish the other half of her meal at that slow pace women eat at. a masterpiece of art if there ever was one, a lady enjoying some simple meal as if it were the most expensive delicacy ever prepared for a king. she was simply beautiful.
It took her another hour and 3 bottles of henry weinhards rootbeer to decide she wasn't going to finish the last half slice of toast and small mount of pasta, but when she did, we retired to the livingroom, cuddling up on the couch and turning on the television to find a romantic comedy about this girl who can't remember anything past the time she goes to bed. we sit there near the fireplace cuddling together under an ugly green and orange afghan enjoying the film until the movie ends, and the sun is starting to crest outside the back sliding glass door. we both agree it's time to go to bed, so I take her back to my room down the hallway, last door on the right, and I grab a blanket and pillow from my bed, I tell her "I'll sleep on the couch, you can have m--"
She placed herforefinger finger on my lips interrupting me with a gentle "didn't I say I don't want to be alone?"
I nodded in response to this, and pulled the blanket down for her to climb into the bed, and then I walked around the other side, and slid under the covers, scooting close to her, putting one arm under her head, and the other around her belly, I held her close as the sun rose and small spots of light flecked over our forms outlined in the blankets.
I awoke alone, on my back, starng at the ceiling, and my first thoughts were "was that all just a dream?" and as wondered that, I turned over to get out of bed, and as I did, I see her across the room sitting at my PC wearing my headphones and watching a blur of pretty colors and lights dance around the screen. I see the name of one of my favorite songs dance across the screen as I walk up behind her quietly. as she sees it she giggles and smiles, and I smile as well, a few seconds later I unplug the headphones and turn up the volume of the stereo to fill the room with a slight tremble of the window as she pulls the headphones off and looks back and up at me into my eyes. I smile at her, and she smiles at me. I speak softly mouthing the words "our song" to her then I lean down and gently press my lips to hers. I feel her lips part as her soft tongue carresses my lips, then my emerging tongue. as we stay there, my arms around her gently, her hands in my hair as we both express exactly how we feel to the other, I begin to get a sensation that my pants are two sizes to small, and aparently she does too, as she starts to giggle. I smile down at her for a moment, eye to eye the truth of the situation is aparent in our eyes, how we feel about each other, and then as quickly as the moment began, it was shattered by a light rumbling from her belly.
I reach up to turn down the stereo as she stands and walks out of the room and down the hallway through the livingroom and into the kitchen, I follow her, watching her pefect form sway slightly in the oversized mens clothing she's wearing as she leads me onward. before I can even get into the kitchen, she begins to open every cupboard and drawer pulling out various dishes, utensils, and ingredients, and then points to the table and proclaims "sit." at her smile, I obey, and watch her eagerly over the kitchen bar. I cant see what she's doing as she fills the house with a sweet scent I don't recognize, and after about 20 minutes she brings me a bowl filld with some substance I don't recognize. she sets it down before me, and I look at it curiously, I reach for a spoon, scoop up a small amount, and sniff it. I smile slightly, then blow on it ever so lightly as if it's prefection would be broken by the faint wind of my breath. I then gently place it in my mouth and close, savoring the flavor against my tongue of this delicious dish which I do not recognize. she comes back with her own bowl full, a smile on her face as I dive into mine, devouring it so fast I have to stop several times to chug the water placed before me, as the food is too hot~
after the delicious breakfast, we retire to the livingroom again this time to find the afternoon news just ending. we decide to leave it on for some ambience as we cuddle on the couch and talk. after a few moments casual banter, the subject turns to what we enjoy physically. as she mentiones that she enjoys having her shoulders massaged, I grin a most malicious grin filled with delight, and I bolt upright. I pull her onto my lap almost roughly, and slide my hands inside the shirt she's wearing, pushing it up and off leaving her top half exposed. my hands find themselves on her shoulders, and I begin to gently massage, following the prompts of her moans, be them light or otherwise as she indicates harder or softer, slower or faster. after about 10 minutes and her complaining that she's mildly wet, I move on to her back, kneading and rubbing in all the places that make her grin, I lay her down on the couch and continue to massage her back, shoulders, and sides, carressing her lightly with my fingertips, moon-walking my fingers along her spine, and cracking her back for her all in turn. as she turns over onto her back and props herself up against the arm of the couch, I sit down at the far end of the couch and pull her legs onto my lap, I take one of her feet in hand and gently rub it in all the right places. as I watch the expression on her face as she lightly bites her bottom lip, I begin to rub her calfs and shins ever so gently, yet frimly to release any tension and stress in them. I run my fingers lightly against the backs of her knees, driving her wild with desire and tickling her at the same time, then I pull her a little lower, a little closer, one leg on either side of me I begin to caress her outter thighs above her knees. gently I rub and knead, wwatching her expression and listening to her the whole time, my hands slowly move to her inner things, lightly I trace my fingers across her flesh as she giggles slgihtly. I move higher and higher, between her legs toward that one special place, we exchange knowing looks, and I push theshorts-leg up ever so slightly as I caress even higher on her thighs.
I concentrate more on the areas formerly covered by the shorts as I carress the spots directly between her legs, carressing and tracing all over, but avoiding "her" carefully, I wait until she takes her hand and gently places it atop mine, guiding it to her bare lips before I will give them any attention. I toy lightly with them rubbing my finger between them feeling the absolute wetness she has achieved, I drench my finger in her wetness, and use that to caress her clit ever so lightly, I rub it on other side, through the hood, and run my finger between her lips making her shudder and shake as I do, finally, I stop and remove her shorts. I burry my face in her mound and allow my tongue to indulge itsself in her sweet sweet juices. I saver as much as I can, slurping greedily as I click every inch of her lips, and suck her clit as gently as I can control myself to do though rough enough I have her reching shattering notes of pure pleasure at the far end of the couch. she entwines her fingers in my hair and pulls my face closer as I lick and slurp and suck on anything I can reach with my tongue, and then I pull away forcibly. my face covered in her juices, I stand up, next to the couch, and grin down at her, I kiss her on the lips gently, then before she can kiss back, I move to her neck, where I begin to kiss lightly with a slight bit if sucking, my fingers once again carressing between her lips.
on my knees at her side, I gently slide a finger inside her, then another. I fing her g-spot, and begin to assault it almost burtally with two fingers as I now bite her neck as hard as she'll let me, I pound my fingers into and out of her hard and fast as I leave mark after mark on her neck, then without warning, I stop.I remove my fingers from her opening, and trace a light film of her juices all the way up her belly and chest to her neck, up theunderside of her chin, and into her mouth. I watch her suck on my fingers for a few moments, and then I once again abruptly pull them away, placing them once again where they were, I go directly in this time, attacking her g-spot with a flicking motion rather than a thrusting one. my mouth attacking the closest of her breasts, I suck on it gently at first, then harder slightly, as she responds with moans and screams of pleasure I suck harder, using my teath and pressing hard against her breast with my face, alternating between the two as I see fit, always assaulting her g-spot and now her clit with my thumb.
I twist myself in such a way that I can look up into her eyes, and I see her looking back at me giving me a pleading look, yearning for more, so I stop. I remove my fingers from her, and lick them clean, then I place my arms under her, and pick her up, carring her, I walk to my bedroom, place her on my bed, and point a remote from the bedside at the PC and push a button. the song from earlier, our song, comes out of the speakers, and I slowly remove my shirt and pants, I look down at her, she has such love in her eyes, I crawl onto the bed, and over to her, my knees behind her legs, my pelvis just inches from hers, I position myself right at the opening, and I look down at her and grin,, she wraps her legs around me and pulls me in quickly. I pull nearly all the way out and look deep into her pleading eyes before I thrust in again, hard and fast, watching the look change from need and desire to exquisite pleasure, and back again and I pulled almost all the way out one more time. I grin, and thrust harder, I continue, slowly getting faster as I look into her eyes, I mouth the words of the chorus of our song silently to her, and shift to a faster yet rythmically steady pounding motion as her screams creschendo and she reaches her first orgasm. as I feel her muscles clenching my manhood, her legs squeezing me tightly, I continue, forcing her not to stop me as she reaches a second orgasm, then moments later a third. I quicken my pace ever so slightly, locking my toes into a furl in the blanket and pushing against it, I pound ever so slightly harder as well, driving her insane with a burst of 10 orgasms in 10 seconds, and keep going at that pace for about 2 minutes, before I finally grow fatigues enough to slow back to my original pace. this same patter repeates for about 20 minutes or so, until I decide to just pull out suddenly, and lay down on my back next to her.
she looks over at me, and I grab her hand and abruptly pull her atop me, she gets the hint and guides my member between her lips, she takes it all in, and as she prepares to ride me, I stop her. I pull her down to me, face to face, arms around her, and I pound up into her, hard and fast at a steady pace, and she screams in orgasm again after only a few moments, but I continue to pound into her. over and over she screams and cums all over me.
another half hour later, and she's sititng atop me, I'm up to my testicles inside her, and she's leanding back against my knees. I deal out a hand of 21, she calls for a hit. she calls for another hit. then she stands. I take a hit, another hit, and then a final one, then I stand. we both turn our cards face up, and she frowns for a moment, then grins as she lifts herself up, my prize for winning, I get to make her cum. the next hand, she wins as I bust, and her eyes light as she realizes she gets to claim her prize... of getting to cum~
after about 15 minutes of blackjack, she gets off of me and bends over on the bed, on her knees, I know what she wants.. but I know something better. I push her onto her belly, and push her legs together. as she lays on her belly with her ass in the air, I slide in between her thighs and lay down atop her. I burry myself all the way inside her, and start pounding into her, and faster than ever before she screams in extacy, a peaking high grander than any she's expressed all night. she screams for more and more as she loses her mind in the pleasure. she finally collapses underneath me, and I waste no time rolling off, turning her on her back, pushing her legs together, and throwing them over my shoulder before diving right in again, pounding hard, deep, and fast, she screams and screams and begs me to stop because it feels too good, so I pause, and she screams "No, don't stop" so I keep going.. and ignore her further pleas for mercy. I drive into her hard and fast, and she beggs for more every time I pause to adjust myself in the ever-moving bed-covers. finally, I let go of her legs, and I drop down between them, face to face with her, I pound in at an angle I've not used before, groaning and grunting as I do then after a moments silence, and a deep breath, I bellow her name as I shoot a load deep inside her.
for the next 10 minutes she enjoys a quick recap of man-on-top position as I slowly fade away, I help her reach another 12 orgasms before finally falling out, and wandering off to a cool shower with her in tow. after the shower, we cuddle up on the couch nude to watch an animated show about a talking baby and an alcoholic dog, and pass out again afterward in eachothers arms.
this has been a complete work of fiction. |
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| my day with sandy~ |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|05:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | horny | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Out of Control by She Wants Revenge, and.. | ] |
so I woke up this morning and said "lets try something new," so I got on craigslist and posted an add in the CAS section for some hardcore bondage. well I got a few replies, but nothing really good.. one lady wanted to tie me up and fuck me with a rake.. not my idea of "hardcore" bondage.. but then, this one lady, sandy replies.. and she says she just got a new dungeon she'd love to break in. so her and I get together (she picked me up, how nice of her) buit before I was even seatbleted it, I was ballgaged and had nipple clamps on, OW~ that's when I started to get the first bit of an erection. after about 20 minutes, we make it back to her place, and she pulls into the garage. I am greeted by two men, easily 6'6 and dressed in all black leater, then undress me, and drag me naked into the basement. I am forcibly dressed in a skimpy leather outfit and bound so tight I can't move. then they carried me to a metal table like an examination table, and roped and shackled me to it, only it was odd, the back was open with only thin straps of metal to support my back. as I'm laying there, the lights go black, the table starts to move, bringing me upright, and Sandy comes in, dressed in an outfit similar to mine, only more feminine. she's holding this massive steel tipped whip, and she cracks it at me~it hurt like hell, but I couldn't scream or even whimper because of the gag, at this point I was absolutely terrified. "what have I gotten myself into, will I survive" and I was helpless to even show this.
she lashed me severely, repeatedly, and my back as well, before she walked up to me, stepping on my toe which barely touched the ground with a loud crunch she removed the gag from my mouth and began to speak "this is what happens to those who disobey, do you understand" and I nodded slightly and said yes. she then slapped me, and shouted "that's Yes Mistress," and I repeated myself, "yes mistress."
by this point I was hard, and it showed, what with being fully exposed and all, I had blood running down my back and my chest from her whip, and some down my cheek from her nails when she slapped me. I was in quite exquisite agony, and couldn't do a thing. I hung there, tied to this table, and she snapped her fingers, her man-servants came over, and did something, but before I knew it I was on the floor on my knees, still bound to the table and unable to move. without another word, one of these men shoved their cock in my mouth and almost down my throat. I heard mistress sandy speaking barely, she told me to make him cum deep in my throat, but I could barely concentrate, I had a massive penis where my tonsils once were. it was huge, and salty, but somehow I grew harder as this happened, and I enjoyed it, he put his hands into my hair and started to pull, and I was going insane enjoying this as he let out a loud groan and I felt what could only be him cumming deep on my throat as I felt the most delicious taste bubble up, he pulled his cock out of my throat, and I sucked on hit like a straw before he slapped me in the face with it splattering the last of his semen in my hair.
as mistress sandy noticed my erection, she had signaled the other manservent to unbind me before he shoved his cock down my throat, at which point I reached up and grabbed his ass cheeks pulling him deeper into my throat and sucking harder and faster than before, as I feel his balls tightening against my chin, I pull his cock from my throat and stroke it as he cums in my mouth and all over my face, then I lick it off and suck it dry, before looking cum-faced eagerly up at Mistress Sandy for my next direction.
she sits down on a chair and spreads her legs a bit propping one on the edge of her chair, the other outstretched, and I feel my hair pulled my the two men and my face is thrust into her lap. well, this is a pleasant surprise, I know exactly what to do, and I know I love doing it, I eagerly begin to eat her pussy, licking at her clit, and between her lips, I thirstily devour the juices and burry my face in her furry muff. I feel her twat explode with juices several times to my tongue before her legs finally snap shut around my head trapping me in place, I stop dead, and look up at her as if to ask if I had done something wrong. in a very... horny voice she speaks "that's enough".
a few moments later, I don't know how it happened, but I'm back on the table on my back with my legs spread, I look up to see one of the tall men looking down at me, I feel a massive, almost explosive pain in my ass, and then he grins, a few tearful moments later, I start to moan loudly as his huge member pounds into my asshole filling my body with an orgasmic delight, I don't know what's going on anymore, but I know I love it, and the other cock in my throat is only making it better. just when I think it can't get any better, I feel something wet, warm, and tight descend upon my cock, mistress sandy is riding me, I feel her high heel on my hand as she bounces up and down atop me. and then it happens, she screams, the man behind her bellows, I feel an explosion inside my ass, in my throat, and from my penis all at once, we have all cum in unison.
a few moments later I feel something over my face, and then everything is black. the next thing I know I wake up sitting in mistress sadny's car right outside my apartment complex, and there's this funny feeling in my ass, a tingly, yet surprisingly orgasmic feeling. I look around, she grins at me, and pushes me out of the car, and drives off. I get inside to find an 8 inch virbator in my ass, and so here I sit, writing this story, toy still in place, about to climax again.
this has been a complete work of fiction. |
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| a little late, but I promised, so here it is |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|10:57 am] |
this weekend, I went to hang out with a friend. I got nick to drop me off at Tower records, about 4 miles away, though if he hadn't agreed, I would have walked, or died trying.. it was 111 degrees out that day, saturday. Anyway, I met her around noon or so, and we hung out at tower for like an hourb efore we decided to go up to her workplace and pick up her paychecks and catch a movie afterward. well that was a nice pleasant busride, followed by a kinda long walk.. it was only like a quarter mile each way, but... with the intense heat, my lungs felt like they would explode from the intense pain on the way back. I nearly collapsed in agony before we got back on the bus to head back...
but I made it, and we caught the bus, and headed to the sunrise mall, where we caught the bank (though it was closed) then picked up some tickets for "The Benchwarmers" and then headed to sears to relax in the diningroom furniture section until movie time. she had run to albertsons between depositing her first check and meeting me in the mall, so she had some goodies in her backpack to munch on~ The movie was excellent, and I got to play with her hair. her hair is amazing, and long, and amazing, and long... it was like.. amazing!! sorry, I'm tired, so not very creative >,.,< anyway, the movie was cute, and I'm glad I saw it with her.
we wandered around the mall, we hit a few stores including Icing and Torid, and at both I picked out about 150 dollars in stuff she now wants :P I tend to have a good eye for fashion, and picking good outfits, etc.. suffice it to say I owe her several items from icing and an outfit from torid now~ and I'm not allowed to shop with her any more unless one of us has cash to spend u,.,u
we headed to the bank again to deposit her other check, and then we headed to barnes and nobel. we got starbucks and headed to the book section. she grabbed a book on budhism, and I got one on sewing, which I kinda got a little something from, though I want to try it out a bit. we sat down in the manga section to read.
she couldn't get zen, so we went to get some paper for her to write on, then came back, and tried again. it worked a little, we met this nice country-western dude who told us about how he digs stuff up for a living. far more interresting than I made it sound, sorry dude, I can't give your story justice :(
we went back to her place, and made some stirfry, and had a night time picnic near the tennis courts at her place. the stirfry was tasty, but didn't come out quite right, since the rice was too moist... and the pan was too small.. but it was helluh delicious, and then there was the cimmamon apple sauce I mixed myself, and the Orange Juice we shared. all in all one of the best meals I've had in a while.
we sat out and looked at the clouds and the stars.. it wasn't a good cloud night, but we had fun anyway, then we went back to her place and cleaned the kitchen. we made a fairly decent sized mess >,.,< then we went up to her room, where we listened to music and watched some music videos on her PC, then after a few hours of that, we tried to go to bed.
we listened to a bunch of stuff she loved, that I don't remember, but I liked it, and then we put on She Wants Revenge, by She Wants Revenge, and I love that album~
as for that night.. we couldn't sleep. we tried sleeping far apart, cuddling up, and then apart again, but she couldn't sleep, and I can never sleep first.. but I ended up giving her a nice massage, and she enjoyed it muchly. Back, upper and lower, shoulders, feet, legs... her tummy was too ticklish >,.,<
Anyway, morning came, and we got up, and we both took our showers and such, she decided to do her hair and makeup... her hair looked good, and so did her makeup, but still, I hate makeup~~ blah! but she was absolutely beautiful, so I won't complain :D she had this blue stuff I tried to drink, but it was HELLUH painful, it burnt my mouth >,.,< anyway, you all should have seen her, when she was all ready, in the new outfit I picked out for her, all made up with her hair done up, she was the most amazingly beautiful thing I have seen in recent times. and so we left for the church.
It was fun, I went up on stage, and cried, then she pulled me close until I stopped, and afterward, I talked to the pastor, and cried again.. why I cried, I won't say... though some of you know, whether you know you know or not.
after that, we left, and sat at the bus stop talking, about a few things.. the one I want to post is she said we could do it again, perhaps every week, and I hope we get to, at least until I leave. sad thoughts, for another entry...
after church, we went to barnes and nobel again, then we went back to her place again.. barnes and nobel was fun, as before, though nothing worth writing about.
at her place, we were HELLUH hot, we spent the day trying to sleep, but we failed miserably, we got in a fight, then she decided to let me lay in her lap while she played with my hair and we chatted.. then she decided to go downstaris and try to sleep again, and she passed out on the floor. I had some left over stirfry, and it was tasty still... watched the end of signs, Forest Gump, and then some random movie called Half Light, which had me intrigued for a while, then lost me about 3/4 the way though. watch it if it's on TV, but don't rent it..
so then.. it was time for me to go. she and I walked up to tower, and leann picked me up and I came back. I nearly cried like 3 times, though I barely managed to hold it in.
it was a good weekend, and the tiring part comes from being awake all night, and doing all the walking I did, which I didn't detail too well, but it's how it happened... thank you for those who take the time to read this, and comment.
sorry it wasn't more juicy~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|12:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | In love | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | something on my roommate's Itunes | ] |
hrrm..
I just realized something.. I said Dearest, and so it is, I never lie, even my slips are always to speak my heart.. save when I'm angry.. |
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| so I was out this weekend |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|10:56 pm] |
as some of you may have noticed. Sorry I didn't give more warning, it was a last minute thing :(
so my weekend was long, and tiring, and now I'm sore pretty much everywhere.. I'll post more details on it tomorrow for those few who care to listen, I had alot of fun, but as for my emotional state, I'm not sure..... the person I'm with was something special, no doubt about that, but still she's nothing to me. I ache to see her again, because she gives me what I need, but then I also am glad to be home until next weekend. I don't kow if I'll see her next weekend or not, but I had lots of fun and she's a good nothing to me :P
she's nothing to me, I can't even call her a friend, though I wish she was, she'd make a good friend. she doesn't even qualify as a romantic interrest, since I'm kinda taken by someone, it's just not official yet (<3 Stephanie) though I do want her to love me. I haven't thought about how, but I think it's because she's so good at letting go of things, I'd like to at least leave knowing I'm loved by someone. I hope someone else loves me *smiles at stephanie* but I don't know if I'll ever know before I leave...
this isn't a good time for me to be writing this, so I'm going to stop now and give you all details later, I think I'm off to choke back some tears, Later~ |
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| I feel quite Helpless, Worthless |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|12:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | a good friend's house~ | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Helpless, Confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Coldplay -- Speed of Sound | ] |
I feel quite Helpless, Worthless, like I should do something, or something, but there's not a thing I can do that's right, or anywhere near close it seems. I don't know what else to try, though I keep trying to think of what it is I SHOULD do or try... No advice, unless you know what I'm rambling on about, I just wish there was something I could do... |
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| two things.. |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|09:42 am] |
1) everyone seems to think I'm saying "I'ma go kill myself now", when in reality I'm simply saying it's inevitable at this point.
2) if you post as anonymous, would you PLEASE give a name, screenname, how you know me, WHATEVER, I don't mind anonymous comments, but if you all keep posting random ass shit through virginia proxys, I'm going to disable the anonymous comments so that I don't have to whois an IP and try to guess at who from my past it might be. LEAVE A NAME AND SCREENNAME OR LOSE THE PRIVELEGE. |
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| I want to die |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|07:53 pm] |
I am left with only one option.
It is time for me to go home in disgrace.
I had set out to start my life, I had hoped to accomplish a few simple things, and return home victorious with a happy life around me. Instead, I have failed at everything, I leave now, alone, cold, noone at my side, noone to miss me, and I go alone, into the pit of despair that is known as home. I will lock myself in my room only coming out to go to school, and only then because I need to to stay there. I will cry alone every night, and I will eventually kill myself from sheer inability to cope.
I have accepted that this is my fate, and I have no option but to accept it and resign myself to it. so be that as it is, here we go..
don't wish me luck, it won't help. don't pray for me, I'm not protected by any god. don't say goodbye, you know you're glad to be rid of me. |
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| so I may make a revival yet~ |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|05:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home~ | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stream of Consciousness - Train of Thought | ] |
I'm contemplating reviving my livejournal, give me some feedback.
in the meanwhile, there is one thing I feel like blogging about:
I really like this girl ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _xgirlfriend, but she seems to think I'm just joking when I say I like her, she shrugs off my advances like a superhero shrugs off the attacks of a fly. it's as if she thinks I'm not serious or I'm just toying with her. How do I convince her I'm serious so she'll stop to think long enough to considder it ? I know she likes me, she hasn't told me to bugger off yet~~ what do I do? |
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| wow, been soo long |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|12:02 am] |
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just a reminder people, I'm still here, still alove, I don't hate any of you, but... I don't update this ever anymore. it's not to say I never will, but for the time being, indefinate hiatus. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | not sure.. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rammstein - Ohne Dich | ] |
I look up at my past..
with a sad look in my eye, I open my hands, and let go..
Now, I fall endlessly.
Now I feel weak, vulnerable..
I look up at my past as I fall away from it and it vanishes..
my sad look fades to blank..
my past which sustained me..
my past which held me up..
has been let go..
my past which made me who I am..
my past which taught me what I know..
Now I fall endlessly..
Now I feel weak, vulnerable..
Now I am gone.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|03:06 am] |
I've decided something :)
I'm not going to say what :)
If you guess, I'll deny all your guesses profusely, and pausing on random ones as if contemplating, or they hit close :)
you won't find out what I decided :)
And no, you aren't anyone specific, the you is anyone who reads this :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|10:10 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rammstein - Reise, Reise | ] |
I've been recently inclined to wonder if anyone would even notice if I were to simply stop being here.. and I realized.. Noone would miss me. not a single person. a few would feel my absense lightly, one less screen open on their busy desktop.. but that's it.. Noone would feel bad for more than 10 minutes.. Noone would wonder where I went.. Noone would care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|04:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Not too bad | ] |
About 3 Minutes ago I had a dream.. a Good dream.. Dreaming at all is a rare thing.. It being a GOOD dream.. that's damn near impossible..
The dream was about madoka, my son (pictured here) and his mother, Khrysta, the one holding him in the pic.. Mainly about madoka..
Little back story.. Madoka's been sick lately, Khrysta and I have been worried shitless.. then he got better.. This, and he's allergic to lettuce..
Showed up at khrystas house.. saw madoka, was happy. Saw Khrysta, was happy.. Sat down with Madoka, it was feeding time.. I got to hold him, but I wasn't used to it.. so I set him down carefully. I decided it was best for now to just be there hang out, and play with him, then chat with khrysta, and prolly have some drinks (she does the obscure alcoholic stuff, while I do soda) while wtching TV, playing PS/2, Whatever.. that's pretty much what happened.. heh, I played with Madoka then fed him lettuce of all things.. It was pretty intricate the way we were feeding him, and I couldn't explain it if I tried, but suffice it to say it wasn't just hand him lettuce and let him go to it.. it was almost like a trap, only not.. Then, Khrystas mom left (But not before giving me a LOOONG lecture about where I can and can't go in the house, etc) and Khrysta and I found ourselves in the livingroom.. she was showing me screenies from games that shouldn't run on her PC, but she managed to find a way to get 'em to.. it was tight :)
anyway.. that's about the jist of my dream.. Nothing mushy, Nothing terrifying, none of that.. just me an' my son, an' his mom, all hangin' out and bein' friends like we do online now :) it was sweet.. I liked it :) I wish I could have dreams similar to that one every night.. get to hang out with some friends, etc.. it'd be nice. Come to think of it.. I wanna go back over there and hang out some more :-S >.<
anyway.. I'm not updating much.. Yeah, the norm, I know.. give me a once weekly and you won' miss much if any ^.^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|11:30 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Various Artists - Antidepressant 044 | ] |
it's been a while since I cut.. I wanna cut.. I've been non-stop... down.. a sad, sullen feeling.. nothing much seems to matter, but I plod onward anyway.. I know cutting would help.. would make me happy again for a bit.. but.. I promised michelle I'd do my damndest not to.. and this isn't killing me feeling like this.. it's not going to bring any physical harm to me if it goes on endlessly.. so.. I can't cut.. not until It threatens my physical wellbeing.. u.u wish me luck..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lain - Duvet Cyberia Remix | ] |
And you don't seem to understand
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing
I am falling, I am fading
I have lost it all
And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame then I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
and you know I don't mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing
I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning
Help me to breathe
I am hurting, I have lost it all
I am losing
Help me to breathe |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|12:13 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Michiru Project M+K - Ten Kuu | ] |
"If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal."
soo many of them.. Bust most of all.. well.. I needn't say, I'm sure.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|07:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Monica - Angel Of Mine | ] |
something came up.. I worked thru it.. other problems.. all have a solution.. I have everything in order, and every reason to be happy.. and I am.. But.. all day.. I have wanted to cry.. I don't know why.. Then I finally gave in and started.. and now i can't stop.. and I don't even know why I started in the first place.. |
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